Looking Back

well.. i have typed all of what happened at the lock, how i felt, what went down, and what i wish i woulda done instead on a different post because it had some rather harsh and mean material not suitable for your viewing eyes. but now that i look back on what happened.. i know that i was wrong in how i behaved and acted but i also know looking back that its not all of my fault. i know that this seems like a normal thing for someone in my position to say "hey its not all my fault! i gotta blame it on someone else to make myself look better!" but no i dont care for doing this for myself because i know how i acted i know what happened and this is my side of the story. sure i was in a bad mood, sure i was happy on the inside being able to spend time with my friend and sure the day went down like a tree struck by lightning. but i should not have acted so.. childish? i took myself away with an attitude and in a blaze of black flames surounding myself. i closed of the world so they couldnt penetrate how i felt and i like it this way. but looking back i should have acted better.. either way i would have still called home because i didnt need to be there suffering in the inside but i could have still hung out with her.. thats a regret i have..
but there is one thought of what could have happened that would have prevented every single thing that happened here tonight. a selfish action. or maybe.. no a selfish action. look here is my thought on relation ships right now [yes you all know who i am talking about right now]. but look you DO NOT bring your boyfriend/girlfriend to things where other people you are close to are going to be. ESPECIALLY if people [like me] despise/hate/dont like/ really dont like/input word here ________... but yeah i think this is so selfish?! you have that person EVERYDAY at school leave him there cause frankly i dont want to see him? i get two days? sometimes one day? to see my friend and you are going to bring your boyfriend/girlfriend here even though you know i hate them with all of my black heart? that is selfish in so many ways? think of others besides yourself. just because you enjoy their company doesnt mean the others around you do also. cause i know for a fact that i am not the only person who doesnt really like him around. sorry but its the truth. so next time.. wait.. there wont be a next time because im not going to a lock in again because i dont feel like wasting my parents gas cause im going to go home probably. but yea reaspect people!
     one regret.. treating you  wrong.. yeah i was jerky as crap.. yeah i was just a plan ________ [input word here] and yeah i was a horrible person and yes i know all of this because i see how i acted and i see how it effected you because i saw the way you look at me and it stung.. one regret i having is not looking back as i left those doors.. i saw you in the reflection of the door and i didnt evevn look back.. what a cold move..