deletion of the church on facebook

well many of you have been wondering "hey why the heck did that idiot delete me? is he just pissed and sending his rage out towards me? is he just mad at me? whats going on"
-well i am here to put an end to this entire thing and just come out and say most of it.
-i decided to remove the church from my friends list because i no longer want to stay connected with the church, i dont want to be "involved" with the church. if i had a choice to come to church or not i would most certainly would not come. not for anyone. this is an opinion and a thing that i have come up with with a few reasons which in my opinion are not neccesarily needed to be said. i have no personal matters to be against any of you.. well some of you.. and if you think i have no honest reason to be mad at you then its safe to say that you are clear from my rain of fire. i just in my opinion see the church as a whole, a untrusted and a place where no one is trustworthy. a year ago i woulda loved church, nine months ago i wanted to come less, few months ago it got better, last week i said i was done. i have no intention of recconnecting with the church. people who i have known there for years have changed. and well its time for me to move on. so again.. nothing personal with most of you.. if i have a thing that i want to get rid of [the church] im going to rid my profile from it. i dont want to discuss anything about this ordeal so i would like for it to be left alone. and when i come to church on sunday morning that i may not be confronted or be asked about it.
-lets be mature about it
-not mad at most of you
-deletion was not personal, for most
-confrontation is something i do NOT want
-ordeal, would like to be ignored and un spoken about

F U Sermine

- ah what a great video and what a great sermine, who knew that black church could be so funny
-the importance that i saw in this video is that he brought up a phrase that alot of people use today and use it in a crude and disrespectful way. but this guy.. the genius that he is, changed it and made it into a goddly phrase. F is forgive not for the other thing that i am not permited to type down. and he added humor into it so that the people would think it was even mre acceptable. throughout the video he was teaching them how to forgive, using context of the bible, and then made the transition to the new FU. he said we need to forgive like god forgives us, we need to forgive everybody around us, we need to forgive the ones who have hurt us. this is something that i wish could go on in our church but gah.. these people dont have a sense of humor. oh well. this video should atleast be showed up on a sunday morning to teach them something. i dont honestly think i am going to go around and say F U to everybody that i know, but if the time comes up.. and i think that that person really needs to have my forgiveness.. i will say "*input name here* FU" that is also what you need to think of when someone says Fu to you. they are forgiving you.. maybe deep down. but they are forgiving you. the ability of the church to make it in a friendly enviorment works wonders. 100,000+ views on youtube. means that it has reached to people all over

Blog FInale.. F U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLXW_Y0S4-cGo to the link above for my final blog tomorrow morning. Insight

Bro's Before Hoes

some might say that this has nothing to do with christ. and all of that junk and well i am here to tell you differently. someone like me can find one of these old terms and phrases and turn it into something decently acceptable by some people.
     christ tells us that we need to stikc together with our family because they are all that we have in life. friends wont be there for you forever but family will be. your brother is something that you need to charish in life. but a hoe.. or lets say girlfriend is something that will hopefully pass away and go away eventually. this phrase is maybe just another way to say that family comes first and next to that no one can compare with them on this earth. family is something to cherish and to make first priority instead of a temporary distraction.
     bro's stick together. and christ tells us that this is the way its supposed to be. you dont strike your father, you dont disrespect your mother. and you dont leave your brother or sister behind. just not something that you do. you can like your girl all you want to but, family will always come first and thats they way its supposed to be.

Turn The Other Cheek

something that i will not do because i know that i couldnt
-if some one. anyone is to punch my face. slap my face. they should know that i am going to jump up and do everythig in my power to kick their BLAH BLAH BLAH.. urg.. i will not just sit there and be hit. and i highly doubt any one of you would do it either. especially if you are a guy. i.. i get mad aand i dont cry. if i get mad my hand starts to shake. if i get hit.. well thats another thing. im not like jesus and i dont know how that man could have possibley done it but yeah i kinda could his was a prinsoner there wasnt much that he could do. no friend of his jjust slapped his face cause they got in an argument. i think that this is something that probably no body has done in a long long time. sometimes people dont want to evade the fight because it makes them look like a wuss. or maybe they are wanting to fight in general. turning the other cheek in my mind pretty much means "hey im to mature to do this junk. so im done.  goodbye" but honestly.. i think the anger inside of me at that point would overpower my mature brain at that moment. and i think that would go for the same for you. jesus can talk he wants to about turning the other cheek but i dont think ever in that book did he get slapped in the face and turn that cheek. i think that there should have been some example. and maybe we could have made the statement more realisitc. turning the other cheek is something that common soceity is saying that we shouldnt do. they say we should fight and try to hurt each other to no end. but yeah. turning the other cheek is a sign of maturity. a sign of streangth beyond the muscle. and a sense of inteligence that we dont see often. and i am man enough to admit that i probably couldnt do it. what about you

Forgiveness

Well we all know we are supposed to forgive people but honestly i am tired of forgiving. i forgive alot of things in life. il forgive you for stepping on my foot, il forgive you for insulting me, and il forgive you for lieng to me, but after awhile.. im done forgiving you and im just about ready to leave you alone. jesus says for us to forgive but gah.. i am tired of forgiving people. they dont deserve it. you can mess up but for christ sake you need to learn your  lesson but it looks like you cant so im done with you. everyone has a limit, and everyone has boundries but i dont think it should be my responsiblity to tell you. i am tired of being the nice kid. i am not perfect, and neither are you, but you should have the common sense to know you are wrong. and i dont care that i am not fogiving you because i have far to many times. Forgive and Forget. Is something i can not do. something i will not do. and something that you should not do. Its not a cammandment to fogive, its not even a rule, so i dont think i am not completely wrong for not fogiving. but i think i am correct for not. and that first quote up there. i believe is completely false by the way. and the second one isnt either. they in my eyes are falso quotes. apparently learning to forgive we are all supposed to do if we are to be strong christians. but hey im able to say that im not.  so i think im doing just fine at my current pace

A mistake is always forgivable, rarely excusable and always unacceptable.
Robert Fripp

Forgiveness means letting go of the past.
Gerald Jampolsky

The Power Of The Mind.

alright well before you and drew were here i think it might have been with harold? or maybe even before them but cherish was there for a day and she made up a giant statement thta kind of made me think. how did christ have power over his mind. even as a child he must have thought of one bad thought in his mind. if he was a teenager, he must have had wrong thought atleast once in his life. there is not a person who has not thought of something wrong in their life. we might have thought it but not said it but i think its still sinful. the mind is kind of a way, or the control  to how you act. if your mind is messed up so will your heart because those thoughts are all that you think about. the mind is something that has to be tamed. and in my eyes if god was pure. and he was perfect then he must have never thought of something wrong in his entire life so that he could have had a pure heart. he must of had some kind of serious training though.. cause i dont think anyone could ever do it. there is alot of things that i could go into that could help you realize the small things that could end up being sinful but i will not. his heart was pure, so his mind must have been also. if your mind is currupt so will you

Public Displays Of Affection

i can honestly say that i hate this thing to no end.. i walk to school, in a bad mood, its another monday, and i do not want my first glimpse of school to see to ugly people inside and out to make out infront of everybody, i dont want to be stuck behind to people holding hands with each other. get your own freaking space outside of school and meet each other there. frankly i dont care how much you supposedly love each other, i think you should just go away and do it.
- i also believe that it is something rude. i dont think that if you can not do something infront of your grandmother or not show your grandmother then its something rude. you would not make out with your girlfriend infront of your grandmother and you would probably not just hold hands in your church infront of everybody too. this is something that you do in your own private time away from others because in my eyes it is rude. i even believe that if i were to finally decide to date someone.. eh not happening because i hate people but still.. i would not dare hold a hand with someone in school -.- cause i feel bad for the soul that walks behind me haha.
- wrong? right? no problem? i wonder, is it me, or is it just incorrect. i dont think they ever did this back in the day in jesus' time but they had adultry. but eh i dont know what he would say about public displays of affection.. or what anybody else would back then.

Easter

yes, i just did christmas but i couldnt really think of anything else at the moment and this will still be a good topic to write down. or type down.
yes again i will talk about how they have destroyed the reason of it and then turned it into something else that is mainly for money and gifts.
-the origional reason of easter is of course the death of jesus, which doesnt seem like a nice thing to celebrate but apparently it is something that we are supposed to do. they can make up reasons to celebrate that can include him dieng for our sins and with that we were allowed to come into heaven once we believed in him. i find the whole idea of easter is kind of.. a waste of a holiday. lets just agknowledge what happend but not throw a giant party.
-now all we do mainly is throw stupid eggs around the yard and tell everyone that the easter bunny came and then we go find the eggs and just go eat some food. gah how the lies have fueled our country in order to get money and profit for some strange reason. our country always seems to try to take christ away from the entire holiday. they create a way of making a profit in everything possible and end up destroying the true meaning of the holiday.
-same statement to have here today, ask a child and ask them what is the meaning of easter or what happens on easter and see if they say that "we celebrate that jesus died for our sins" and not that the easter bunny comes and gives us presents.

The "Fakeness" Of The Church

ehi have always hated this and its always been in the church that we all go to but i thought i might as well lay it out here now. why is almost every single person in that church so fake.. they never show their true feelings they always just show themselves being happy. as drew has said before, if there was any a place to show how we really are feeling, church would be it, because its supposed to be the place that you turn to when you are hurt so people can pray for you and encourage you or do whatever needs to be done. but it seems that at our church these people just put on their happy masks and never shows anything different. my brother is a prime example,  he wa sall made one day when he was driving us to church [when he had a permit] and my mom was yelling and fussing at him, and he was being rude, so he was mad going into church, happy in the church, and got mad again outside those doors. my mom asked why the sudden mood changed and his words exactly were "we are back in the real world"..
-for me, i dont give a flying pig if you want me to be happy, if im not in a good mood, im going to show it, im not going to be anybody that you want me to be, im going to be me. i think that if the church actually started to do this we would find out that not alot of people in that church are who they really are. friends say that you should put a smile on your face but when your down you should be able to show it and not be fussed at for it.
-the church should be able to show their true character and be vulnerable to other people so that they can actually helpl you and care for you the way that the church was intended to be.

Giving

any easy thing to do. something that we do for christmas and something that we all do for one another. the whole idea of giving is you share something with someone else or you just give it to someone else entirely. and well there is a certain story in the book of the bible that is the prime example of giving.
     little kid, i dont think the bible tells us if he is poor or not but he went to the market and just bout two fish and a loaf of bread? but yeah and jesus asked for it, and he just gave it all to him without a second thought. and because of his choice to give it. jesus made a miracle out of it and converted it into enough food for everyone to have and it fed thousands. he gave jesus everything that he had at that moment and that could have been all the money that he had saved up for awhile, the money that his parents gave him to go buy dinner, or just for something else. we do not know but whats important is that he gave his everything to jesus and he got something better out of it. which can also go into tything. giving a small percent of your stuff and jesus gives you something back in return. giving is something that is something almost bread into everyone of us but it has true meaning in it. and also gives us a chance to give to god, and to give to others and hopefully by showing our character show them our light, and bring them closer to christ because of it.

Christmas

something that is upcoming but i was trying to save this but it turns out that i will not be able to do it on the day of christmas so i will do it now.
- the curruption and the muk that has polluted the truth of the reason of christmas is truely almost gone in my eyes. we all know that when we were kids and we are asked... what happens on christmas? we always said, oh santa comes and we get alot of presents and we open them in the morning. we never did say that we celebrate the birth of jesus christ. and well thats kind of a sad thing to think about. modern soceity and the ones that were in the past had to just come up with some thing or figure to hide the fact that this day is truely for god. they made up some way that people could spend even more money and not just eat and be with family and celebrate christs birth. and well i am not denying that i dont like the presents but its kind of a shame that everything in common soceity has some kind of fairy tale thing about it that makes us end up spending money for the government to have again. it was always used to be day just for jesus but sometime in the past "saint nicolas was created and then began the reign of the presents and the insane spending. sometimes it is hard to realize that most children dont even realize what the true meaning of christmas.
-short thing, x-mas, another example of what someone decided so that they could take christ out of christmas, most thought it was just shortening the word on christmas cards but when you come to think about it, you really are taking christ out of CHRISTmas.
-attempt to do this sometime when christmas comes closer and the child is of closer age. ask them what the true meaning of christmas us. see if i am wrong.

Cripled, Blind, Deaf

alright i dont get this part but why does god create these types of people, have these injuries or issues with their bodies from birth. i mean its understandable if it happens later but why does it have to be something that they may have at birth. are just might have some kind of diformaty, or injury that will cause them to never be accepted in common soceity. to me i believe this is a type of cruelty to put on someone. why would he not just put eveyone in a healthy and good manner and make it just.. right. dont you dare say that this is to show gods power because its not.. showing gods power is blowing up a volcano, or striking lighting in a good picture. but gah, why this.. this is a type of.. curse. they say that in different religions if you have something like this then you were a horrible person in a past life and that you deserved this and well i could go along with that.. but why does someone even deserve this. god should be loving and all of that but why curse the inocent from birth and make them less then they ever could have been. it doesnt make sense why some dont have the opportunities that some one else has just because of a physical difformaty or a mental, or just other issue that someone might have. its something that is just wrong in my eyes. he should have never have created these injuries, these issues int he first place because it will always be that these people are less then anyone else is some peoples eyes.

Evolution

well sense i am in biology i have to been in class where we talk about evolution. well i have no problem talking about it, and frankly i believe in some of it. its alright to believe in evolution because in my eyes there is no doubt that it has occured. but well sometimes there are those agressive people that are out there that are just STRONGLY against the even thought of evolution and well.. as a person who goes to church and a person who goes to school and must agknowledge the thought of evolution i must say that it makes some sense that it is possible for it. yes i know that god created everything on earth but no it does not say that he limited everything to stay exactly the way that it was once he created it. some things must change in order to survive and i think that is what evolution is about. i do not believe however that humans came from monkeys.. because that is just weird? i think that we are far to different for us to be from each other and i think that god made us specifically in his own image to be apart from the rest of them. i find that alot of people are just scared to even think of the possibility of evolution and some think tha it is just plain.. evil. but i am here to state my opinion  that we are aloud to believe in evolution but also be able to be a christian. lets all be mature about this and say that we are intitled to our own opinions. and this is something that i will conclude things in this, why would god limit every animal to stay frozen forevery? why would he not let them grow and become something bigger and better then before.

Honoring Your Father And Mother

In the bible it was one of the cammandments that you were to honor your father and mother and i believe that in the old days it was also punishable by death if you struck your father?
to me the whole "honor your father and mother" means that you love and respect them to the best of your abilities, you do as your told when your told, you dont disobey them, you always try to earn their praise.
-truthfully? i dont think this is much of him to ask of you. loving your parents? easy, doing as they say? easy, respecting them? easy. well all of this is for me. i dont have one problem with loving my mother and father, i dont have a problem with doing what they say and i have no problem with respecting them because i do. i think that i am oddly close to my parents for some reason. i hear all the kids at school COMPLAINING that their parents grounded them because they did something INSANELY stupid and well i can agree with the parents. some girl said she smacked her mom and i imedately jumped in because that in my eyes is so wrong.. she deserved to be sent away somewhere because that is horrible. honoring your father and mother is something that is one of the things you should be born to do, something you should be naturally able to do, because they above all else on this world love you as much as anyone else ever could.
-exceptions, possibilities, what if a child is in an abusive home? a home where they are neglected and that they are forced to find food elsewhere? a home where  they are molested? what then? i think that there are a few exceptions that are due to be made in this one and important commandment. every parent as the tools to either make their child loving or make their child a evil thing. sometimes i think it is ok to hit your parent if you are forced to, as in an abusive home, but besides that i see no loose ends to this commandment?
-punishable by death? heck no. but punishable indeed. a child who disobeys, disrespects, and htis their parents indeed does deserve a measurable punishment, and no i am not clear of any of this, i know for a fact that i have done it before but i am just saying.. its wrong.. and if god believes that it is important for a reason then i think we should all take it into account.

Baptizm

An ancient thing that was used back in the days when jesus was here or there but yeah.. i really dont see what the point of the whole thing is -.- sure its an important thing that we all are "supposed" to do before we die because its some kind of a good thing or whatever but all i really see is you being put in a thing of water. why is the water important? why cant the preacher or whatever just say all that stuff without it and say that all of your sins are forgiven? i mean i know that its an important thing because jesus got it done by his cousin or something like that but i really dont see the significance in the whole idea of getting baptized. and i really dong think i am going to ever go get it done for myself because i really dont see it as an important thing. braxton got baptized when he was like eight -.- maybe older and well at that time all i bet he saw in doing it was that he was getting a free bath. my mom got it done the same time and well she was probably in her early twenty's? maybe thirty's but yeah.. i dont think it can have any special meaning for it. some people say that if you  dont get it done that you are not "saved" and well blah to them. i dont think i wan to get one. eh i heard some story about some old guy who got baptized on his last year of life because he wanted his sins to be almost non existent whenever he died so i think that would be a smarter idea then just getting it to get it over with. so statements and questions and concerns would be as fallowed
Statements, baptizm.. eh i dont think i want to get it done, it seems like something non important even though it apparently is
Questions, is it important o.O does it have any true meaning to it that could potentially make or break someones chances of going up there.. ya know.. there!
Concerns, Got any?

Avoiding Mainstream Christianity

Gah i swear this is something that i think will always be out there but something alot of people like myself will have alot of trouble doing. avoiding the mainstream christianity. basically meaning going to church for the habit, the continuous schedule of doing it but not for the right reasons like going to learn more about god.
- i myself can honestly say that i am a definite mainstreem Christianity goer or whatever you would call this thing because i go for no other reason but besides the fact that i have to. if i ever had the chance not to go to that church i would not. there is no reason for me to go there and i have no real attachment to it. i used to go because i like to hang out with friends and that was my reason but no i just honestly could care less about going to it or not. and yes i know that this is a wrong thing to do because i am going for all of the wrong reasons but still its not about me its about learning how to avoid it, and that other people are also doing it today.
-how do you avoid this "mainstream Christianity" that is going on today in society. good question but honestly i dont really know but the only thing i can guess for you to do is to create a relationship with god. if that is the reason you should be going, it leads me to believe that that is the thing that could help you avoid the mainstream. read your bible! pray more! do something so that you can grow with god more.. really people.. i dont know what else to say to you? i mean i know i seem like a hypocritical but geez its the truth. im just a lazy person who does not feel like reading that book and i dont remember or pray as much as i should.but still i am here to inform you about it and what i think we should do about it. so basically, pray, read your holy book, and just.. try to get closer to god and that will hopefully intern make you want too go there more for the learning of him instead of meeting your friends, or just going for the routine.

Thanksgiving, Being Thankful

Well, what started up as something that the pilgrims and the native americans did in the beggining of our country ended up becoming this giant system that we all know and kidna celebrate in our country today. but do you know the meaning? i know what i think it is.
Whats your meaning of thanksgiving? Just.. saying "oh i am thankful for this, or that, and of course this"
My Meaning, whenever i am asked the statement what are you thankful for i would give out a responce exactly or close to this one "i am thankful for my mother who is always there for me, my father who provides for me, my brothers and sister who support me, my friends who encourage me, and i am thankful that i am living today with a good life that i have" yes.. sounds kinda generic but i am thankful for all of those things in life and thats mainly all i am thankful for right there. family like i always say is the number one thing in my life and i always will stick to that no matter what.
The average person in america would probably not even think of thanksgiving as a day to give appreciation for all the things that are good in your life that you have and all of the friends and family that you also have. they mostly think about the food that they are going to stuff down their throats and sometimes they even just dont celebrate it at all.. eh i wouldnt blame you. i dont think the whole food thing and all of this extra work should kinda be neccessary to celebrate thanksgiving properly. but i do think that you should look on this day as a day tha tyo uare supposed to acknowledge all of the good things that you do have in your life.
Melanie, ah wow this was pretty cool. i was watching "the x factor" the other night and well their theme for the week was "thankful" what are you thankful basically. well some people said friends, some people said boyfriends, most said mother, father, daughter but well this girl shockingly said that she was thankful for god and everything that he has done in her life and well i was kinda in shock that she just came out on live television and said this. i mean most people dont do this and well she came right out and said it. her statement was basically "everyone in my life has let me down atleast one before but i will always know that he will never let me down" and well gah.. that really made me think for a little bit.. yes everyone does let you down in your life.. and well she really made god seem good that night on that show.. let me tell you.. i was like woah.. gifted.. she said that whenever she was done and had no where to go she was thankful that she got to talk to him and let him do all of the work.. powerful stuff.. so now you should be able to say that i am thankful for god working in my life today even though i sometimes dont even realize it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jENnBZ11yg

Moses

one of the greatest movies that i have seen in my young life and one of the oldest and yet most familiar stories that we have to know about. there are some things that are told in the story and there are some things are probably not told in the story but how bout i just try to expand this a little bit more..
beggining.. well we all know he was some poor baby born and well in the time when the pharoe was all like "OH no those little isrealites are over populating.. might as well kill all the new borns by feeding them to crocs.." and well the mom put him in a basket and pushed him down a river hoping he would miraculously get away in safety.. [REALLY lady? you dont want him to get eaten by crocs but you put him in a river filled with boats.. and hippoes and all other types of jacked up animals.. ] and well the princess? or someone royal finds him and raises him alongside his brother [fake] and well he apparently doesnt even know where he comes from untill he is some late teenage kid.
QUESTIONS : what the heck? there are a few faults in this that i am no so certain about at the moment.. why would this lady just not even be curious about where the basket with a baby inside and where it came from? if these egyptians have apparently know hearts and are ruthless just jacked up people why didnt she just throw it away or make it a slave because it didnt have pure blood of a king? also.. how JACKED UP is this.. "feeding all of the new borns to a bunch of crocs because the isrealiates are over populating the area" gosh people.. you must have had some seriously jacked up time beause that is just horrible.. new inocent things and you are just slaughtering them.. what in the world could have gone wrong in their minds to have made them so messed up in the head.. its kinda.. no really disgusting to think about?
-relationships to the present.. to the past.. to the future..
we all know of the mass murderer.. phschopath adolf hitler who you know.. kinda slaughertered millions of jews in various ways.. gas.. just shot.. probably worse things that we dont even know about.. again? what is wroing with him? i see know possible way that his child hood was so jacked up that he thought that these people were so horrible? and besides the people that he claimed to be perfect "blue eyes, blond hair" he didnt have any of these qualitites so this just doesnt make sense either.
future.. what on earth is possible in the world.. we dont know.. often we think of machines taking over and slaughtering off all man kind "terminator" but gah is it possible? is there always going to be a time of no peace in this world.. moses' BEGINNING has so much deapth into it and so much relevence to the stuff that has gone on recently and the stuff that is still very likely to go on in the future that we dont even know it..
i dont get why there are so many deffective people in the world, why god just makes these monsters that walk the earth and why he lets so much jacked up stuff happen and usually not do a thing about it for a while.. its so confusing and its just aggravating at times.. he had the power to end egypt right there.. but no babys died.. who cares if their pride should crumble down.. no one deserves to die at someone elses expense

Holding Your Tongue, My Tongue

One of the hardest things to do and yet it is such an important thing to do. finding the will to not speak your  mind about something that drives you up the walls is sometimes the hardest thing that you can ever do. you choose not to say anything about something that has created this drive inside of you. you either are preventing yourself from saying it because of two reasons, afraid its to "harsh or rude" or "not appropriate". and well either way i find this difficult to do but yet as we learned tonight that this is an important thing to do.. Holding your tongue can either be a good thing or a bad thing. you can make it a good thing if you speak before you think and change this habit so that you hold your tongue until you are certain that you are ready to speak. or on the other hand it can back fire and prevent you from saying something that is indeed very important to say.
    My Tongue. My Problem. Lets just say from my opinion that i do hold my tongue very well in my eyes whenever i have had to. but in some other cases i do in fact speak before i think about my words which is always something that i should work on because i notice that i was a fool later on after i talk. but also i think that i can sometimes hold my tongue and my emotions back too much. and after i hold and regret holding it.. let me tell you something that feeling is just not good at all. tonight for example something happened and well i felt the need to blurt out, yell out, leave the room, punch a wall and well as you can see i did no such thing. instead i do the unhealthy thing and bottle it up. so can this possibly be an unhealthy thing to keep everything kept secret inside of you? i have heard from a few study's that indeed it is because you are just not releasing all your stress. what do i do..
-well just learned some other news about me not holding my tongue good enought.. need some prayer shockingly..

Hell Why? Hell My Imagination

Fair Warning, not going to be putting all i could into this because it has to much information to put into this topic and i dont want to shame it.
-There is a few things that i have always questioned about hell, why its there, and other stuff like that but i will start this off by saying
i dont want to go there
-GIANT QUESTION, why is it there? yes i know that it is there because statan was cast into it by god after all that ancient mess that went on and yes i know that god throws anyone who does not believe in him into that dark burning whole for all eternity but yeah that doesnt answer my question. why is it there? to me this is a disgusting creation and something that god should have never made in the first place. he in my eyes is just torchering people and it really just makes me twinge at the thought of people for an eterninty suffering.. yes they did not belive in him but no man deserves to burn. that is a sin that god told us not to commit. not to commit murder, and that falls under the lines of torcher also. and this is pure torcher. he is allowing the devil to torcher those people. no one deserves that.. put them in some place away from god where they can have their soceity and let them be in a jail and be with their friends for all eternity but goodness.. no need to burn people.. if god cant sin, then why is it that he has thought up this corrupt idea to put people for all eternity. i will never agree with this and i will never accept the fact that he conjured up this mess.
-Whenever I ever think about hell my mind always thinks of the same thing. people with burn flesh with each other burning alive, screaming crying with their children and friends around them.being just tourchered day in and day out and well i just dont think its a pleasant place at all.. if god has the power then why didnt he just poof the devil out of existence and all of the demons with him. just put all these people in another spot.  back on earth to live forever. a place of fire, and screaming, crying, suffering, no happiness is a nightmare in my eyes that i would wish on no one. and for a "loving" god as he is supposed to be, i dont know how he can either.

Mourning

Alright serious topic and i know that it is a inbred human characteristic that we all have and feel whenever we lose someone. but i have a question about this, is mourning wrong? the bible often says that jealousy is a sin. and well is mourning pretty much the same thing as jealousy? i mean in my opinion it is. we are pretty much jealous that our family member is now in heaven. and well i think that sometimes that mourning can be a bad thing once it goes to far, and alot of the times this does  happen. whenever you lose someone you go through the time of mourning for your lost one and well some people exceed this a little long. you find them going into a depression, or a period of long sadness, and yes this is a bad thing. mourn for the lost but also be happy that they have gone to be with god [hopefully]. so pretty much the question is, is mourning wrong? or is it a purely normal thing that is alright?
god has several rules and well how far do we take it? do we just expand it to everything and guess if things are right or wrong?
Yoda (star wars) “Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.”  and that makes you think

Relationship With Others, Relationship Relationships, And Relationship With God

Relationships, 
a  very.. important thing to have in life but sometimes a more harmful thing then a good thing to have. a relationship is something that one person has with another meaning that you have a close bond with another. but sometimes.. relationships can go bad. relationships with family is something that is almost born into you to have. having a close bond with your mother and father and sometimes siblings is just good to have. but the trick is to a relationship as you get older you try to expand this. with others, and this is when it goes wrong. relationships with other people sometimes and alot of the times leads to dissapointments and to cause a lot of heart ache. when you  you become serious friends with someone right at that moment you have created a relationship. and from that moment on you are at risk of being hurt because of disapointment or of other reasons. but the question is. is it worth it to have these relationships. to have this interactions with people in my opinion is good even with the chance of having of being let down. have a relationship with friends is something that will alow you to grow and become closer to others and increase your social skills.
Relationship Relationships
Whenever you get older into your teenage years you can atempt to create a junior special relationship with someone meaning a girlfriend/boyfriend and well this is when it gets exceptionally difficult. in my opinion, and im going to tell you straight up, are not worth anything. not worth the chance. not worth the effort. when you get into one of these suckers you put your entire trust into these people and then it never fails that they end in a horrible or a bad way. 99.99 percent of the time they end in complete failure after awhile.. i for one dont like the idea of relationships and i dont think that i want to be one for a while. yes you can have special feelings for someone and yes its a good thing but i think once you bring that stupid title into the whole matter it goes plain wrong. you have to many issues going on with each other. sometimes you get the impression that you have to watch each other and see that your not talking to any other boy/girl. and this is when it gets bad. in a normal relationship you have no set of rules that you have to fallow. this one you are pretty much having to fallow rules.. and this is why i dont like it. you find obligated to fallow certain things and well this is why i disapprove of a title. you can be happy with some and have a relationship without the term. you can love someone without being married, without being girlfriend/boyfriend, or even going out. but i think its better to just not have the title and work it that way. once you have the title its all ruined.
Relationships With God
now this is something that i find to have a little bit more work to have to be put into it. a relationship with god is something that in my eyes does not come easy at all. he is  not a person that you can just go up to and have a common conversation with, hug, grow up together, create a eye to in talk. and this is why i get confused with this. people say that you need to have a relationship with god but the real question is  how. what is it that you mean by saying you need to have a relationship with god? just praying all of the time? just.. doing good things? it just does not that much sense to me at all. yes i know that you are supposed to do all of these things. but i for one KNOW that i do not have a good relationship with god. i have a few reason in which i find put my excuses.
1) lack of knowing how
2) lack of time
i dont know how i am supposed to create this relationship with him and i know that i have been told of all this before but whenever i am told all of this stuff it is hard to understand. and also i dont find the time to pray all of the time, to do all of these "good things" that they say we are supposed to do and i just do not think that i am trying at all. i need the answers and i want to know why cant is just come easier to us. there are alot of questions in this world and about god but a giant question and problems that we all have is relationships and this is why i have decided to make this topic, i know that i expanded greatly on  this topic but.. help me out if you can

Reply To Previous Blog / Blog of Day

Being kind is an awesome way to show your faith and make people think about your motives. But I can't just leave it at that. I got to challenge you too. How can you be kind out of your comfort zone? How do you match the anger you rightly feel in the Molestation blog with the kindness you see here? How do you put these various parts of your life together to create an impact for Christ? REALLY think about this and get back to me with an answer. Either another blog or email or something. Apply this to your life in a way that challenges you and grows you closer to God. Big points for making an impact for Christ.
Andrea,
Took me awhile to think of how to respond to this but the only thing that i could even come to a conclusion for is that you would have to learn to be kind to those you  hate. if you are truelly chirst like you wont have the disdain for people and not be kind them and show christ. if you are a real christian you will love everyone and be able to show kindness to those you even dont hate. i know that in some cases there are people that i really dont like but i am able to still show the kindness that they deserve. sometimes you cant be mean to someone all the times and its not even right to do that to anyone. you cant hold a strong grudge against someone even though you want to [and yes i do hold grudges]. you are supposed to let go of these things by showing kindness and growing close to one another again. I believe that if someone can show kindness to someone that they dont normally show to someone, maybe to someone that they dont particullarly like, or hate, if you do still show kindness you are showing christ like actions toward them and that wills how. getting out of your comfort zone sometimes is the thing that can make you shine. whenever someone feels comfortable about something they dont usually put so much effort into something. i know for a fact that when i first started in art i was wayy out of my comfort zone and well i had to go all out on those projects and stuff so that i could still pass, you can translate this to another way, what if you are in the homeless shelter and you know that some of these people could potentially be druggies or people that deserve to be in the slumps, you still have to show them kindness that they deserve regardless of how you feel about them. this is what Christ would do for them and you should do it also.

The Kind Samaratin

the old story that we all know and have heard and learned to know by heart, and if not, i will refresh your memory right now,
there once was this guy or something and then he got robbed, all his money, all his clothes and was left for dead and then a priest walks past him and just ignores him, then some other guys does the same thing, but then some kind guy comes up to him and helps him, pays for him to stay at an inn, and yeah he becase the KIND SAMARATIN :D
     The modern version, have you ever seen someone that has fallen down on the street? sometimes you ask yourself, oh my god.. should i help them or not? well of course you should! kindness is shown by your actions to people whenever they need you the most and dont even ask for it. sometimes whenever you are at the store and someone is having trouble opening the door or getting their cart out or something you are supposed to ask if they need help even if they dont necessarily need you help or even send you away. i know on several accounts whenever i was with my mom and walmart and well we have so many people in our family we know we are going to have this huge buggy full of junk and well there was this one time we got in line and there was this father and this kid who had only 3 toys but was stuck behind us. so i tried to be nice and say hey you can get in front of us so that you dont have to wait for all of this but yeah they rejected the idea but that was alright because i felt good inside that i tried to be nice and help them speed up their time. even doing the smallest thing for someone who  needs it goes a long way.
     meaning of the story and well i said this a few times but, showing kindess to others is a nice way to show your faith, even without saying it, actions speak louder then words, and yes people notice sometimes if you are a christian if you act the way you should and how god wants us to. learn something today! do the right thing!!

Make Up - Young Teen Super Christians / Reaching Out

The one thing that bugs me about some kids at my schools is that they pose to be a super christian which in my book means that they think that whatever you do is wrong in the eyes of god [which technically it is] but they also think that they are so close to god that it makes everyone else look bad they try to make you feel bad about yourself on the inside because you are not like them, not close to god as you should be, or pose to be. but i have found out that my other friend, dear annie, is a way better christian than these people are. she is more of the quite type of person but she is reaching out to almost everyone and it is working really good lately. she asks everyone to come to her church on sunday, she asks you to come to their revival [yes even asked me] and i have actually asked my mom if i could go a few times but of course the ride was not available. and shockingly she has converted alot of people into start to go to her church. the funny thing is, she does less amount of yellig and preaching at us, but she gets way more people to come to her church. i wonder why. maybe a simple invitation to hang out with friends at a church is better and has a better possibility into blossoming into something better, is better then yelling at people and judging them for things that they are not doing at the time. who knows if you had these types of people as a kid in highschool and or middle school but i know that i have them and i also know that they make themselves look like a fool. while annie is bringing people closer to the church with a magical phrase called "reaching out". and yes, i have even thought about it to myself that if her church worked out better for me, then i would consider changing there. but hey thats not going to happen  most likely but guess what? that is the power that god has given her, the power to reach out and connect to people.

Molestation

wow.. i am currently reading this book named "forged by fire" and oh my gosh i about puke/want to cry every three seconds that i read it because its so darn messed up and sad! i don't care if you have not read it yet but i am going to tell you anyways.. there is this black kid who has the neglecting drugged up mother and then the son ends up accidentally burning down the house and the mom is sentenced to jail for six years because of neglect and then he goes to live with his loving aunt. and then she ends up dieng of a heart attack and then he goes back to live with his mother. and then his stepfather is molesting his half sister and there is nothing that he can do about it, the mother and everyone in the house is being abused by the step father. and the step father said if the girl tells anyone that he is molesting her then he will throw her cat in the oven and eat her! OH MY GOD its revolting to even read.. its really astonishing how much i can get into this book and just feel for these imaginary people.. even though there very well could be kids and people going through situations just like this in common society these days.
     i seriously can not even fathom about what these kids and people are going through every day of their lives. they must be eaten up inside and nothing but a small void is left to consume inside of them this book may only have 150 pages but in these pages you feel for these people with all of your heart and are genually concerned for their imaginary well being.. this honestly made me feel something ;o i read this back in sixth grade or so but never really got to understand it because i didn't fully understand it all because my lack of vocabulary and slang. and well now that i have read it again i know alot more then what i did before and tha tmakes it just the more horrible.
     why on earth would these people do this stuff.. its so disgusting.. this is sometimes even worse then murder in my opinion. murder can be quick and easy but this is long lasting and has horrible scars left on your inner self. this can change you to a different person with these types of experiences and i don't even know why someone would even do this.. its just wrong.. do they have to feel like they are in control of something? well get a job and do something to be a boss but this abuse and stuff is just.. horrible.. gah i swear.. anyone who has done this deserves to burn in hell for all eternity for all that i care.

Racism -.-

oh my freaking... blah! i absolutely can not stand when people are just being plain racist.. gah it just absolutely drives me up the wall when someone chooses their own race over another. i mean honestly people that is really racist. i dont know if you people saw my pole that i was doing "which color is darker blue or green" but yeah i had one and this one girl i will not forget it, she was Asian and she voted for the pole green JUST because khris was doing it. oh my god that really pissed me off. and well i see so much racism with those asian people. they are starting to make themselves look bad honestly. they all go into one line and they wont even barely associate with anyone but the freaking asians. they have made this new thing that says SWAG "something we ASIANS got" no you a freaking racist. go back and use your hmong words so that you can own that word but not swag.. freaking racist people.. i mean it just pisses me off! and half of the people say that they are way religious and that is just bull crap. you can be christan and racist but you can also hide that fact also! i know a few racist people and they hide it so that no one will know and that is fine. but gah these people are just ugly people for being so racist. and yes it is still considered to be racist if you prefer your own race over another. . stupid stupid stupid people.. we are all one race, we all are one species, and you should realize that and notice that you are not above anyone else. because in gods eyes you are still the tiny speck of dust in which he created.

The Rath Of God

the bible and all of the older and younger people in the church society will tell us all that god is a loving god and one that just wants us to be with him forever but there are some things that i have heard and even noticed that kind of contradict this thing.. how can he be "loving" if he plagues an entire society and nearly kills off a nation just to save one people. i think that if he really wanted to he could have just poofed them out of there.. killing off livestock, destroying their water supply, and all the other stuff is not what i can considered loving. you could have made a different decision with probably the same result but without as many casualties. and i have another problem of what he did in Egypt that one time. the whole death of the first born son. why the first born.. the most precious thing to someone is a child and why would you take that away from someone. you should have just killed off the pharaoh and been done with it. don't sacrifice the peaceful children of the city. with the children you have the opportunity to change the world, rather with the lost adults you are already gone.
     Patty i think told us this story one day in Sunday school and it kind of pissed me off? she said something about people transporting the ark or something and that these people were carrying it but with something else so that they wouldn't directly touch it but i heard that it was about to fall on one side and this guy or girl tried to touch it to correct its position and secure its position. but god saw this and he struck him down in an instant. no second chances didn't even reason with this he just automatically kid this man because he tried to save the boat that was about to fall.
     how is this god a loving god if he shows so much wrath towards that don't know him. if he really loved them he would have found a way a better way, this is a confusing area to think about.

Sticks And Stones

 Old Phrase That My Grandma Used To Tell Me Whenever Braxton Would Anger Me, "Sticks And Stones May Break Your Bones But Words Will Never Hurt You"
-over the years and maybe even when she used to tell me this i knew for a fact that this was a false statement trying to prevent you from getting your feelings hurt and well it never did. sometimes being hit with harsh words is far worse then taking any blow from a random stone. i know for a fact that i can hurt peoples feeling far worse with words then i could with any physical action that i could take. how could such small meaningful or meaningless words do so much damage to one person phycological well being when a rock doesnt nearly do as much damage in your physical self. why is it this way? why do words affect us so much? is this a learned trait that we just get or is a natural thing to take words that people say as a personal and meaningful statement. words are the things that cause teen suicides, words are the things that cause people to do stupid things, and words are the things that cause people to feel bad about themselves. rocks dont hurt people for maybe a few minutes or for a second or two. so why do people even say this false statement i wonder. and why are words there to be able to be used as insults and to harm others. is it to hide your own self concious issues.
     I for one am beginning to learn that for one, my words are usually very hurtful when i mean them to and even whenever i dont intentionally mean to. and i also think that i need to stop being so rude with my words        >.< or i could always throw stones at people instead :3

Fall Festival

well today was the fall festival, ended up working from about 4:30 till about 8 and it was a good time, got to work some got to enjoy the people, got to have some fun, and got to see all the people have a good time.
REALITY : OH MY GOSH, tonight was so flippin cold a penguin could have made shelter here! i was about to suffer from hypothermia and i am not even kidding, there was a point that i was litterally shaking and i just wanted to go to the fire and stand there but i had to man my station -.- which brings me to another point
.. those flippin children.. or one in particular.. i just wanted to litterally murder! i dont know if you saw him but he was in a monsters inc costume and well he would come to this game over and over and over again just to touch the worms that were in the third jar and he would tell the whole entire world what they were after he was done and i was just starting to get mad.. i was about to lose my composure but the nice gentlemen that i am.. maintained it and decided to let the kid have his fun and i could just nicely tell him to just be quite and not ruin the fun for the other kids.
     the positive.. i think tonight went really well.. laura and brad did a really good job tonight and i was actually pretty shocked at how great it went tonight :o haha they got it to work outside and it just all went out as it was planned minus the whole running out of food. but yeah it was a good event and i think that the kids and the parents and everyone that went had a pleasant time. one thing that i would like to change.. some kids should just not be able to go to the same game [like mine more then once -.- ] i was literally having the SAME kids over and over again because no one was wanting to do it because of the whole worms thing.. gosh but yea
good time.. good way to meet the people in the public.. good experience.. got sore
GOT MY SERVICE HOURS DONE :D GREAT

B B Q

     well today i officially had my first day of real work. and well my feet are hurting a little, i learned a few things about myself that i pretty much knew, but was just definitive after today.
1. i am a very unsociable person -.-
2. i can work hard, even though i don't want to
3. i really hate to clean -.-
     i really noticed that i never even socialized with the people that were eating their meals or had eaten their meals at the BBQ during the time that i was washing the tables really fast. at times i felt extremely rude because i wasn't being sociable and in others i just honestly didn't care. i found the people that came to the BBQ actually really rude and so i could care less if i was mean to them accidentally. the only thing that mattered in my opinion was that i did not physically or verbally be rude to a customer and just wash my tables because that was my mission that i was to do. and well another thing is, i figured out that i could work hard today, braxton [freaking jerk -.-] sees me as a child who is lazy and untrained to work and that is just going to suffer whenever i get a job. and well today i pretty much proved to him that i can work hard, i do work hard, and that i will be successful. take that ! haha :3 and the last thing, cleaning sucks -.-
     well lets get down to it, today i didn't even see any people even caring about church today, never saw a person even look through a pamphlet or even see someone mention the word god, all i saw was people stuffing their faces and then just talking and talking and talking and TALKING to know end.. so basically in my opinion i only saw today as a way to earn money from the community as a fundraiser for the church, only possible with the help of terry and Teresa. but yeah -.- i saw nothing godly working today, or maybe i was just working to hard to notice
Lesson Learned Today : Most People Dont Think About God When They're Thinking About Is Food

Extended Prayer

oh my gosh this really grinds my gears whenever people really do this -.- extended prayers.. well here is my thinking on the matter at hand.. why on earth would you do this -.- i mean honestly i think that you are either just trying to make yourself look good or you are just trying to get bonus points in heaven or something -.- cause i really don't think it is necessary to drag out a 3 person prayer request into a 15 minute rant on "OH PLEASE help them father" four times in the same prayer -.- honestly if i cant even do a prayer about ten things and make it last about a minute or 30 seconds at least and still get my point across i just dont see why you think it is really important to outstretch it all. we all know that you are trying to make your point across that you want god to help these people or just do something miraculous in their lives but i still dont think he needs you to talk to him like that -.- he already knows what we think and say so i dont think he needs you to rant on to him about something he already knows about!?
well here is my thinking: less is MORE. sometimes if you put way to much stuff into something then it just becomes ruined and less meaningful but if you put something small but with so much meaning into it it really takes your point home.

Jewish People

you know there are a lot of things that i dont know or understand in this world but the truth is Jewish people are also apart of it. they are people who were chosen by god to be his people to worship him and everything but the thing is, apparently they turned their backs on him and didnt believe in him anymore.. well i have a few problems with these people at this moment and have a few questions for them if any random Jew decides to read my post. if your great ancestors were the ones to first hand experience and witness gods extraordinary power then why was your religion and culture the first one to turn their backs on it as well. it is said that he saved you from slavery in your time of need from Egypt, tried to give you this wonderful place for you to live, and just basically paved the way for you so you could have a happy time. but yes i have a giant problem with this -.- WHAT KIND OF AN UNGRATEFUL, SPOILED, PIECE OF BLAH BLAH BLAH could you be to turn your back on it -.- you saw literally everything possible that every single one of us would kill to see in today's society, your ancestors completely took advantage of the gifts and miracles that they saw and they are pretty much at the moment just.. confused little people. lets just say that i dont agree with the choices that your ancestors have made and how they shaped your future beliefs, so yeah basically i am saying -.- i don't understand why they turned their entire religion around in another direction and just decided to not believe in him or anything.. gah you people are strange.

homo -.-

eh very odd, weird, or even bad topic to talk about but we all know that we think about these type of people and we all know why have different feelings about them. and well here is my view on this assortment of people..
    ITS A LIFE CHOICE, i have heard all over the place this this is not a choice but a genetic  gene that you are born with to make you like this and well folks it is not. just because you are an odd kid does not make you a homo you do not have to like the same sex as your own, you are naturally born and designed to be attracted to the opposite sex. i for one know a few people who are gay and well i can tell you straight up they are rediculously fake, i mean this guy.. ugh he is FLAMING and well i aint mean to him because eh thats your deal, have fun with it, im just not going to partake in your littlie gay situations but he is just so fake? i overheard him today saying "oh i wish i was straight so i could date girls, i think it would be so fun :D" eh really kid? its not out of your capabilitiets to date a girl? its your fault that you are acting the way you are and just failing miserable in the path that you are going. mabye these people have had a bad time in their life that drove them to think that they need to behave this way to get the attention that they want. or maybe they are just seriously confused.. anyways that leads me to another point
     REGARDLESS i do not believe that you should show hatred or distaist to these types of people. sure they are doing the worst thing possible in common society besides murder but still i see every guy be rude to a gay guy and really it just makes me feel bad for these people. again like i said before, hey thats your issues and its not none of my business or concern to be rude to you dude. and well i see alot of chirstians and just poeple in general in the world being man and rude to these people. sure we think that they are horrible and that we need to convert them away from this path that they are going down but i also think that there is another way of doing this then hitting them with the bible and cursing words at them. ever seen "i know pronounce you chuck and larry" hey that is a good example of what some "christians" are capable of doing. listen you old people who are stuck in your old ways but look at the facts, do you honestly think that these people want to hear you  preach to them? i dont? so why not show them kindness in a way that they will somehow we are lucky they go away from that path of theirs, but again dont show the hatred, show the kindness.
Think About This : Men Are Men, Woman Are Woman, If Skin Doesnt Color Doesnt Matter, Why Does This?

Trust Fall

Well I am currently in the media center in side of school and I ate my food early and decided to get out of that god awful cafeteria and well.. Why I am in here I might as well do the blog that I need to do today anyways.. So here I go

     Trust Fall – At the soup kitchen yesterday we had the opportunity to get extra points by doing a trust fall off of a giant rock and for me I thought it was going to be pretty easy at first, hey what’s the problem, just lean back and all and they catch you.. No big whoop. But I actually had a giant problem with this once I arrived at the top of this rock. I have noticed sense I went to the ropes course in the sixth or fifth grade that I am horribly afraid of heights in general, I have problems going on rollercoaster’s, jumping from trees, getting on ladders, and eh.. this was just the same in my point of view, but I knew I was going to do this for the points because I have to be able to beat Jordan and Makayla and the rest of the competition >: D and well there is one question that I was asking myself as I was at the peak of that giant rock ready to throw myself down to the earth and hoping and praying that you people would have caught my air born body before a horrible and very painful crash. “why is this so difficult?” why was it so difficult to trust you people to know you were going to catch me, of course I knew you were going to catch me because I knew that you didn’t want to have a lawsuit on your case but really I didn’t have trust in you people or the other common word called “faith”. I had to nearly throw myself down without even knowing it before I could bring myself up to jumping down to the pool of hands ready to catch me. And well there is one of two things that could have possibly happened that prevented me from just jumping down as some of the rest of the people were able to do. Sure It could have been because of my fear of heights or it could have been because of a “lack of faith” that I had in you people. Isn’t in my understanding that we as a Christian group of people are supposed to have faith in each other? Well what’s my excuse? Well frankly I do not have one necessarily and well I need you to come up with an answer for me >.<

Moral Of The Story : Have Faith In Others Or You Are Lost And Alone

Soup Kitchen / Reaching Out

Well i went to the soup kitchen today for one reason and the only reason that i went was for the fact that i need to have eight hours of community service done for the beta club at the end of the year. well i wasn't really thinking that i would be in a pleasant mood this evening you all could guess why, but i had a rather interesting talk with another person and it kinda changed my perspective on how to handle certain situations and well i think that i handled it pretty well tonight. we get there and i am alright pretty happy, god knows i don't like to meet new people or even associate with half of the people that i meet in common society but we all know we have to do stuff like this once in awhile so that we can reach out to those who are lost in the community. sure it was just simple as taking a tray to someone who is hungry when the could do it themselves but most of these people thought this was an extraordinary thing for us to be doing for them. they would shout out "god bless" and "thanks so much" but honestly i didn't see what we were doing as anything of much importance. but apparently it made some of these people happy to see us caring about these people who were either poor and on the streets or just struggling in general. There were a few moments in the time that i was there in which i felt really bad for those people who were having to come to this place and eat this kinda revolting food. i saw some old faces that were there the time before when we came and volunteered and there were some new faces. there was one in particular that i found that made me extremely sad, there was a little girl with ratty hair and skinny as a starving dog you would find on the streets, and wow it hurt to see her. why is it that these people are suffering while we eat a comforting meal everyday of our happy lives. in my opinion it seems as though we try to block out these people from common society so that we don't have to see what is happening to them
Moral Of Today : Reaching Out Isn't Only Good For Someone Else, It Opens Your Own Eyes Also

tGiF

oh my god.. it was SUCH a GREAT day! i mean it just went PERFECT. there was pretty much nothing that could have made my day much better then what it was. in Spanish it was the last day of our substitute and all we had to do was write a story in English and use the vocabulary in Spanish [i thought this was odd but no one was going to tell him anything different then what he thought]. i got done pretty early so i decided to start my book and read it a bit and well i didn't like it -.- i was disappointed actually and it was kinda saddening haha. but...
      in civics we did some useless worksheet that we didn't really even need and then while i was doing that i was also reading it and i was getting SO into it : O you don't even know haha i could have stayed and read that whole book before i got bored of it, it was so good! i was shocked that in a mere twenty pages after i said it was horrible it got REALLY good! and then...
      in biology we watched this video on dogs and the genetic mutations and diseases that are occurring in them because of human error. and well also when this was going on i was reading haha(whenever i am in a reading state i tend to only do that until i am completely done with the book, it is a really bad habit and sometimes it makes my grade fall). and well i was able to pay attention and read at the same time so its okay.and then the best thing of the day was of course
     ART :D the school wanted us to construct posters for tonight's football game against maiden and sense it was senior night also. and well me and Gloria were having a BLAST laughing the whole time and still making our poster look really good surprisingly xD and well me and her are not exactly the most artistically gifted people in the class but we got the poster to look good haha, i was shocked at how good ours look compared to others people o.o. and then i got to go play tennis some.. eh it was alright, and got to get my racquet back, kinda happy about that, and went to Walmart (did not have a stressful time even though it was PACT),, and ate dinner and now im here :D
     Moral of Today's Story: It may seem to be bad for awhile but once the good comes once in a blue moon, its great.
    Moral of Today's Book: Do not judge a book by its first twenty pages.. weight till forty :]

JANET REVIVED / ART 1

omo i get my racquet back tomorrow i am most likely going to cry whenever i get it back [no no no just kidding i don't cry over material objects]. and yeah i am going to get it after tennis, after Walmart, and then i get it :D haha. i want to have my Janet back in my arm ;D haha she is going to be played with till my hands give out haha. i think that this time i might be more comfortable then i was the last time, even though it is the same racquet i am still going to care more because of the new strings it is just like new haha. eh i don't really have much more to say then that pretty much because well what a small topic ;o
     ART 1 art. oh well this week we are currently working on the vanishing point and the horizon line for our new project and WOW it is so complicated to do haha, everything has to like go into this one little point which is the back wall and if i must say so myself mine looks pretty darn good. i have one bed, two dressers, one tv, one picture, a door, and a window ;D haha pretty beast, but that is only the sketch -.- i still have to do it all over again but on a white piece of paper and then i have to color it with color pencils which always makes it look ugly.. eh coloring is lame.. but i think i actually love art class xD its so fun! whats not to love? be creative and just have fun with your work ;D haha i get to draw in there everyday and not get in trouble for it. it is probably the class that i have to work the hardest in but its the class that i have the most fun in also and well i think that it makes it all the better :D haha and want to know what kind of pisses me off? these people in the school talk trash about the teacher just because she is kinda hard nosed on a bunch of the rules in the school and well i don't think that is totally wrong? i mean she is supposed to care about the rules so why is it bad to actual do it? and also i think she is one of the nicest teachers you will actually meet in the school, she cares for the students and actually shows how much care she has for her field of work. eh that bugs me, sure i was one of those people that weren't to happy about her, because of the rumors that i heard but still.. i find it wrong.. and i know now.. lesson to be learned..
Moral Of The Day: Don't Judge A Book By The Rumors You Hear About It, Judge It By Your Experiences First Hand.

Janet

well i have officially named my racquet, and i have come to the conclusion that the name that i shall be using is Janet.. i find that this name is kinda perfect xD works good for saying "oh Janet! cant believe i dropped you" haha  i mean if i can find some cool kind of stamp or writey thing i would put Janet onto this side of the neck :3 haha its going to be awesome to see her whenever john fixes the strings. my friend said that it could possibly take a few days or just one day depending on how many more racquet s he is working on at the moment. haha well lets just say that this is going to be a good reunion whenever i get to see her again haha, i know it seems kinda weird for me to be so excited about getting a material object but you  have no idea how its going to feel to be able to play out there with my racquet and not someone else s haha. yay :D
     bad day, let me just say that this day was unfortunately a horrible day over all, rain, Spanish, civics, biology, art. and yes that is all my four classes and the weather. well if your like me you despise the rainy weather and yeah it just depresses me haha, i don't know but it just does because its all gloomy outside! no sunlight D: but in Spanish we had this STUPID test that the substitute didn't even know what the heck he was doing on. he decided he would make one so that he could know where we were at and well i think he might have alstimers or something because half of the test was just repeated questions over and over and over again! it was insane, i almost go to the point where i wanted to throw away the paper. Civics class we had this  packet to work on because of the test tomorrow and well that wasn't nice cause i hate taking tests -.-. Biology we had a lab on stuff that i am currently confused on because it makes no sense, and yes this is scary  because of the fact that i am used to understanding everything that he teaches in that class and right now i am stuck like glue.. and its pretty darn bad.. and then in art.. we drew some kind of picture and it was nice and all but not what i wanted to do as a ending of a day, and then to top it off there was no tennis which kind of was nice because i didn't want to play today but yeah.. eh just a horrible day,
lets hope i can get Janet back soon.

Beta Club

well i am officially joining the beta club because of a few reasons that really caught my eye
1. good on college transcript
2. good on college transcript
3. GOOD ON COLLEGE TRANSCRIPT
and yes i meant to put that three times because that is the only reason i am joining this club -.- eh i have to maintain a gpa of 3.5 weighted or above (which will be easy) and well that doesnt even concern me, i could make a 3.5 unweighted -.- and well there is a few things that are kinda concerning me about this whole beta club society thing that i have told you guys in the last  post. well i found out today that there are a few things that i have to do to be able to be considered or inducted into the beta club.
1. do eight hours of community service (outside the school) and two hours of community service (inside the school)
2. $20 to be able to join the club at the start
3. If you screw up one time your out and there is no coming back
but hmmm to summarize this thing, i have to do community service and well thats not that bad.. work for church? do a soup kitchen, do a fall festival, do a BBQ, eh that might do me a bit of good. and then paying this twenty dollars.. eh i have some.. don't want to spend it on that but looks like im going to have to -.- and then.. i have to do this whole dress up thing and well i have no clothes to dress up in for this thing which is not going to be good at all.. well i have a few months till this induction ceremony begins so wish me luck...
ALSO lets all have a good smile at the fact that my racquet will be healed hopefully by sometime tomorrow :D gave it to john today and well lets home he gets it and fixs it and that i go get it tomorrow :D ahh if ig et it back i will probably hug it for 2 hours haha, im going to give it a name : P probably janet XD or jane XD haha funny stuff : P eh needs a name so when it gets hurt or scratched i can go "oh!! janet!!" haha : P eh get on here later see ya

Sucky Tenins, Beta Club

     Well today has been officially the worst day of tennis that i have ever played this year.. it was just pitiful.. i wanted to shoot myself because i was so dissapointed. it was like i was watching my on scary movie because all of my shots were weak and they were going out half of the time.. not satisfying at all.. i even had to take a break because i was just getting iritated.. it was really really saddening.
     Now to the more important subject.. Beta Club.. im sure you people all know of this club, smart club, where people with good grades and good gpa make it into it. and well basically you do alot of community service, looks good on your record and you just have to do one initiation thing that you have to dress formal to. and well there is two giant problems that i find with joining the beta club.. i dont have any dress up clothes and i also dont have any money and the fee to join is like 20 dollars.. psh its not that cool to join this club -.- all i want to know is if i join it now do i have to pay this fee every year? thats a giant waste of money in my opinion!! and besides buying the clothes that i have to dress up in is going to be just as annoying -.- im not even sure if i wat to do this club but all i now is that it looks really good on colleges and i just want to get that much... eh i kinda missed out on it last year but i am really considering to join this year.. the meeting is tomorrow and i still have to discuss with my mom all the details after the beta club thing is over with. eh its just a whole blah mess as always
     ALSO - recieved my ten thousand grains of rice today :3 eh got pictures and everything but not so sure if im going to the soup kitchen thing.. everything depends on if that duetch bag piece of S*** doesnt come xD haha dont want another event like the lock in. so i decided to be mature and ask eh hmmmmm to try to make em not come :3 gah aint i a nice person? eh feels ruid but still -.- by gaining that is ruining me.. haha oh well we will see :P good by people

... awkward -.-

alright yesterday i went to my friends birthday party and well let me tell you something that was extremely awkward. if you can imagine this please try -.- white boy surrounded by 30-40 asians at one party and well i knew none of these people except for khris, and crystal [birthday girl] and yeah it was kinda awkward.. hmong party, hmong food, hmong prayer.. eh kinda akward at times cause half of the time i didnt know what the heck people were talking about and i felt just out of place.. i found it kind of irritating at times? thought it was kinda horrible not knowing any of these people.. not knowing what to do.. eating strange food [not saying it was bad, but it was pretty good] and well it just didnt feel.. RIGHT. i found it difficult to talk to people because im kind of a shy person around people that i dont really know and well there came a time that i was all alone throwing quite frisby with random people who i dont really talk to and well that was pretty bad -.- played volleyball for a while and that was pretty weird to.. i felt horrible whenever i did a fail because i couldnt just joke around like they could.. eh it sucked haha. the thing that i was most looking forward to when i was there was pretty much leaving? sounds pretty darn horrible i know.. but i just wanted to get out of there : O i knew we were going to go play tennis after the party was over and well i was pretty darn excited about playing and then we got there and... i sucked -.- hitting bad shots, hitting wayyy out, hitting at the net.. not getting to the ball.. gah it was pretty darn bad so that was another thing that was making the day worse AND THEN my dad showed up and then tried to be sneaky trying to watch me and i noticed and then i had to play knowing that he was watching me play trying to see how good i was doing and that just added to the preasure -.- gah that felt crappy not being able to impress him, even though he said i was doing pretty darn good, i still felt like crap -.- eh a bad day, but it was nice to be able to be there for my friends sixteenth birthday, and also by being the only white kid means that i was the only white kid she kinda wanted to come :3 haha awsomeness

Surprisingly A Good Day Well Most Of It

Well today was one of those days.. got a test in biology got to draw in art got to suffer in spanish and want to comit suicide in civics.. well i had been STRESSING over that test in biology because it was on the same material as last time except it had more things involved into the test that wasnt in it before. and well last night i studied for maybe an hour or more? felt horrible shoving all that biology down my cererbral cortex and well test taking time came in third period. and i SHOVED all that knowledge again down and for 10 minutes of not stop reading and reviewing and remembering as much as i could test taking time came.. sat down with three pencils prepared looking nerdish if i may so myself :] and well it was alright for the most part took it as if it was any other test but went over it and looked at each question more carefully then i did in the quiz previously. and well i made a 100 and that pretty much made my day right there. well i was happy also because i got my friend back in class cause she had been gone for two days at tennis conference. and well i went to art class and got to draw :D and color! and well coloring is soothing as heck and it was nice : P got to blow paint, draw a moon, create and october landscape design for the project and well if i may say so myself it looks pretty nice right now haha.. eh i might not be the best drawer or the best person when it comes to being artistically gifted but i sure can work hard and get the material done that i need to. The ONLY thing that could have made my day better is if i could have given my racquet to the guy so he could fix it. but he is currently out of town so that means i cant play tennis for a couple days and that is going to kill me inside -.- eh so sad... but he is supposed to get back into town on tuesday and he is going to call me and then il give it to him ASAP and he will fix it up just as fast haha.

Broke My Strings

today.. just another day, woke up ready to play tennis later in the afternoon with khris, going to practice, get better (so i can dominate braxton in the future) and well i was paranoid all day thinking that it was going to rain cause well.. look at it outside! its pure bi polar weather out there! have the sky is black and the other half is a beautiful day! but eh we had the courage to go ahead and play out at riverbend and well we started playing for awhile and then i heard a snap.. oh well.. keep playing and well... i started to gradually not be able to hit the balls normal i look at my racquet and a whole column of string was destroyed.. completely in that moment.. and my heart dropped.. my poor racquet.. my poor money D: and khris was laughing saying that i finally lost my tennis virginity -.- not making me feel much better haha. and well we all know that we have to go to this random old guy named john and he is like this god who can fix any racquet and i have to buy them for like 20 dollars and 25 if i want these extra awesome ones. and well i don't know anything about string tension and other stuff because well i don't know it. and i have to get this stuff fixed because i don't want to have to use khris's racquet (exactly the same racquet as mine) and yeah.. so after all of this practice.. after all of this training i get stopped by a brick wall in the shape of broken strings -.- gotta call this dude soon so i can get this fixed.. eh wish me luck people.

PSAT

well today was the day that we had to take the PSAT, this thing that we are offered so that we can make a better grade on the real SAT in the future. well in the beginning i was reallly not wanting to take this thing, why would i? i mean its an extra test that i don't HAVE to take but it just would help me -.- well i ended up being peer pressured into taking it this time and it was actually for the better which is kinda rare. but well there was only a 150 people able to take this thing at one time all year and well i was fortunate enough to make it on the list with  my friends. others who were to sign up were placed onto the waiting list [slim chance you were going to take it] and well today came and its test time. we were given a packet to study so that we would know what to expect and well the test was almost exactly in the same format as the packet was so if you studied it you had kind of a better chance to make a better grade. I think that it was kinda hard to me, and it was confusing in some parts and just blah in others, had some easy questions, had some impossible ones also but eh. im glad that i ended up signing up for this test cause in all its going to help me in the future and it just took a lot of peer pressure to make me do this thing. i can only take it one more year in the future and that is next year and i have to sign up early so others don't get my spot >.< that's what happened to khris. i should get my score back for this test in about.. December? sometime remotely close to that, kinda anxious to get it back to just see how bad i did compared to others, i want to get at least a 1400.. that's what my friend said she got back when she was in middle school and well i hope i don't get a sucky score cause that will make me seem dumb -.- eh well il let you know what happens in a few months. goodbye

Bad Day -.-

you know.. today was just a plain horrible day if i do say so myself. of course i should be happy that there was a three day weekend but gah i was in so much pain having to wake up this morning. i got the anual alarm clock ring in the morning and i looked at my phone with utter disgust refused to get up. so my mom had to come and wake me up like normal. and wow it was so hard getting out of bed! you would not believe it.. i mean some people wake up earlier then me and i just dont see how they do it :o some people stay up later and wake up earlier then me and i dont understand that either. i mean i just have a horrible time waking up in the morning. and from past experience i know that if i have a bad morning then gah im just going to have a bad day in general which was true in the case also. i was just being a plain hateful person ALL day. i didnt want to do work, i didnt want to listen to peoples bull crap, i was just being hateful to people randomly because they were either being rude or just idiotic. sure it was not nice but darn it i was mad and they deserved it. of course i did my work cause im good like that. but why does a morning effect your whole entire day? my reasons are because of..
-tiredness
-low expectations
-bad start
-blah!
i found that i was going EXTREMELY slow in my art project which i am not entirely happy about either because its due friday and im only on the beggining part of it.. is swear to god that if i dont finish it on time i will probably cry -.- i will most likely have to stay after school sometime this week or next so that i can finish it all on time and make it look good. and yeah that ruined my day. i found out that my friend was already done and shes tarted later then me! im JUST on the beggining and not even completely done with that. i think that once im done with the bottom that i will be going faster and better but who knows.. if not doing good tomorrow then i will flip out -.- so gah.. lets hope i do good and lets hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Just Kidding

you know.. this phrase "just kidding" or "jk" is not always a truthful statement as you might have noticed in the ways that you might have used it before. i know that whenever i use it sometimes i honestly dont always mean "just kidding". and i have said this alot in conversations before so why not convert t his into a small topic that could possibley lead into something bigger. well the saying is "in every JK there is a little bit of truth" how is this so? why? well think about it. whenever you are on the internet or txting someone and you say something offensive or rude but then quickly say "jk" your not always completely truthful when you say your were just kidding about that. sometimes you were actually telling the truth but just didnt want to hurt the other persons feelings. ever notice that? i have. this is kind of a.. lieng saying? gah i dont know how to say what i want to say but i know what i mean and you should to. "just kidding" often reveals who you trully feel about a certain topic and its usually the harsh truth that you have said but you hide it behind the "just kidding" i know for a fact that i use it alot so that i dont hurt someones feelings on purpose. its just one of those things that we often dont notice in our everyday conversations. we are a lie filled species you know that. i have read that most people like once about every ten minutes. how can this be? you may not realize it but you do lie alot. we often hide our lies without even knowing it. we are asked how is your day? and you reply oh its good. when its secretly not good. this is a lie. a small lie but a lie. and we just eh phrase just kidding in the same was as any other. its a lie. its a lie filled phrase that we use everyday. there is truth behind a jk. think about it next time someone says it to you.

Tennis, Pushing The Limits

well yesterday i was all alone at home with the family bored to death watching "black swan" and well i got a call from a friend of mine to go play tennis. woah! why not? made me day. so we went to go play tennis for a few hours, and well i got another new blister >.< gah what is wrong with my hands? is it cause i have these ridiculous baby skin XD well i think so haha, and my friend crystal said i should go and buy some tennis gloves. not sure how that would feel or work but i might as well get them so i can stop getting these god awful blisters on my hands. i got a blister ON TOP of another blister and well it hurt like hell and it was gross looking -.- but of course i was still going to hit regardless because i want to play and i want to get better as always. and we played tennis for about.. 4? hours i think? we played from 3 to 8 and volleyball from 3 to 5. but yeah we played awhile and we were doing.. alright.. the blister wasn't hurting to bad until we started to play play [hitting hard giving everything you got] and well it started to hurt again. skin started peeling, shots of pain started to come in but gah i refused to stop playing. stupid? yeah kinda but i have to play ;o its like this disease i have. i refuse to stop playing once i have started no matter how excruciating the pain actually is. but yesterday i found out that as the pain got worse i started to hit worse, started to get mad at myself more for hitting bad, and then got worse and worse.. eh not a good time. pushing your limits is good sometimes but times like yesterday was not really a good thing. but there is one positive thing that i learned from all of it... when you hit a ball [short ball] hit it on the rise so that the other person doesn't have as much time to react. woah! made sense, cause as you do this it gets hit ALOT faster and quicker and the other person almost doesn't expect it coming. so i guess the moral of this little story of yesterday is.. it might of hurt to play but in the end i learned something good for the long run? eh something like that. but hey it was a good day yesterday! cant wait to get my licence so i can go drive myself around to play tennis almost everyday! woot! getting old is fun haha

Preaching In The Public

i find it whenever you see those ridiculous people in the middle of public events or fun places preaching about random topics or ideas that they have, i find it quite annoying? useless? do you?  i would think so because whenever i see those people i honestly want to be nice enough to tell those people that "hey your preaching is not working so why dont you stop and find an alternative way to do this?" we all know what you are trying to do. telling people that it is wrong in abortion that you are against it but its not absolutely a nice way to bring about it saying that you are just going to go to hell for murder if you do this. they were giving out the harsh truth that you are killing innocent babies that are not even born yet but really guys? you dont have to have some poor infant and throwing it int he air showing what people are killing out there in the world. that doesnt make me want to listen that makes me want to walk away and not even give a second thought. if you are trying to reach the public with your message i think you need to find a different or alternative way to do it. i dont know how you are going to be able to do it but why dont you sit at home and ponder it a while. do you think that its a smart move to do this in public because frankly i think that you are pushing more people away then you are bringing them in.
     sure this is a small topic but hey its the hard truth that you need to accept people. i think if you are yelling in public like that its just the same as sitting at home doing nothing.

Looking Back

well.. i have typed all of what happened at the lock, how i felt, what went down, and what i wish i woulda done instead on a different post because it had some rather harsh and mean material not suitable for your viewing eyes. but now that i look back on what happened.. i know that i was wrong in how i behaved and acted but i also know looking back that its not all of my fault. i know that this seems like a normal thing for someone in my position to say "hey its not all my fault! i gotta blame it on someone else to make myself look better!" but no i dont care for doing this for myself because i know how i acted i know what happened and this is my side of the story. sure i was in a bad mood, sure i was happy on the inside being able to spend time with my friend and sure the day went down like a tree struck by lightning. but i should not have acted so.. childish? i took myself away with an attitude and in a blaze of black flames surounding myself. i closed of the world so they couldnt penetrate how i felt and i like it this way. but looking back i should have acted better.. either way i would have still called home because i didnt need to be there suffering in the inside but i could have still hung out with her.. thats a regret i have..
but there is one thought of what could have happened that would have prevented every single thing that happened here tonight. a selfish action. or maybe.. no a selfish action. look here is my thought on relation ships right now [yes you all know who i am talking about right now]. but look you DO NOT bring your boyfriend/girlfriend to things where other people you are close to are going to be. ESPECIALLY if people [like me] despise/hate/dont like/ really dont like/input word here ________... but yeah i think this is so selfish?! you have that person EVERYDAY at school leave him there cause frankly i dont want to see him? i get two days? sometimes one day? to see my friend and you are going to bring your boyfriend/girlfriend here even though you know i hate them with all of my black heart? that is selfish in so many ways? think of others besides yourself. just because you enjoy their company doesnt mean the others around you do also. cause i know for a fact that i am not the only person who doesnt really like him around. sorry but its the truth. so next time.. wait.. there wont be a next time because im not going to a lock in again because i dont feel like wasting my parents gas cause im going to go home probably. but yea reaspect people!
     one regret.. treating you  wrong.. yeah i was jerky as crap.. yeah i was just a plan ________ [input word here] and yeah i was a horrible person and yes i know all of this because i see how i acted and i see how it effected you because i saw the way you look at me and it stung.. one regret i having is not looking back as i left those doors.. i saw you in the reflection of the door and i didnt evevn look back.. what a cold move..